My thoughts on the important need for well trained Idiot Wranglers who care to the needs of idiots and keep them under control have already been well established. With that in mind, I am consider offering my services to the NRL / ARL.
While last night's State of Origin match was one of the more entertaining matches I have seen lately, and as a Queenslander I am proud of my team who were able to hold off the Blues onslaught for so long despite having, at one stage, absolutely no reserves to play (special mention - Steve Price - EIGHTY MINUTES in the front row. Unbelievable effort), I have to say, the referring team was in dire need of some good Idiot Wranglers.
A couple of standout moments...
Jonathon Thurston's 40/20 kick. The kick finds touch a little over the 20m line (or so it appeared on my TV). Touchie, being no where near it, runs down.... Throws flag up just past the 30m line... and then keeps moving down... 27m... 25m... 22m... Finally, he get's to the 20m line. Now a 40/20 at this point would be a HUGE relief to the beleaguered QLD side, but also, obviously not really beneficial to the Blues... So what's the Touchie do? Stands with one leg on either side of the 20m line, looks at the ref and says "You call it". The stupidity of it. He had NO idea where the ball was when it went over the line, so instead, decides to take a 50/50 guess and stand on both signs of the line. What happened to Benefit of the Doubt!
Not to be out done, the other Touchie had a blinding moment of stupidity on his sideline as well. Danny Buderus kicks for touch... And thanks to a lucky bounce (for the Maroons), the ball doesn't find touch, is scooped up Hodges (I think) who begins powering back... When the Touchie, almost as an afterthought, throws up his flag... The ball DID NOT GO OUT.
Seriously, being a touch judge is a job even an idiot can do. It's not rocket science. One side of the white line is IN. The other side of the line is OUT.
How hard can this be to understand?
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Sorry, We Didn't Get Your Fax
A little background... Our Help Desk Service competes with one other Help Desk to get a niche group of customers... They're cheaper, we have better service... We wrote the software everyone's supporting, they're cheaper... We actually know about the tasks the software is designed to handle... they're cheaper. You get the idea.
So a prospective customer calls yesterday... We know this guy well from when he had an older version of our software. He's the sort of guy that believes that after seeing someone else do one task, once, in a software package thats KINDA the same as ours means that he is a fully trained expert. He's the sort of guy who thinks the best shortcut from getting from the top of the mountain to the bottom isn't to follow one of the roads, but to just drive straight off the edge (he'll do this even if he doesn't want to get to the bottom of the mountain, because hey, he saw someone go to the bottom once, so it's go to be the right thing to do, right?).
The sort of customer we were pretty happy to see HADN'T signed up for our Help Desk Contract.
Then we got the call we'd been dreading... He wanted our service. The other guys were no good. They couldn't help him... He'd ask them a question, they didn't know what he was talking about... The usual complaints about "The Other Guys". He needed our help, he needed it now.
"But you didn't sign a contract" God that felt good.
"Didn't know I needed to, you didn't send me anything" Right, you've complained repeatedly that we make you sign a contract for even the smallest task, but THIS, we don't want a contract for.
"We sent you agreements two weeks back..."
"Yeah, I didn't know what they were for" But hold up, if we didn't send you anything, how can you not of known what they were for?
"Ok, I can't help you until I've recieved a signed contract"
"Send me them now, I'll fax them straight away and you can help me"
"Ok"
Contracts are immediately faxed off.
20 minutes later....
"Can you fix my problem now?"
"Nope, I can't do any work until I have a signed agreement" (Seriously, it feels so good to say that)
"But I sent it!"
"We didn't get it, send it again."
"Ok" Hangs up.
10 Minutes later...
"Can you fix my problem noooooow?" (Customer is starting to sound like a small child)
"You have to send us a signed agreement. The number is xx xxxx xxxx"
"But I did, OK, I'll try that number"
Still, we receive no fax...
20 minutes later...
"You gonna help us now, I'm getting sick of waiting" (Ahh, whining didn't help, time to get agressive!)
"No fax..."
"But I've sent it 20 times!"
"Ok, I'll check the fax machine while you're on the line". I walk over, look in the recieved faxes tray, look in the fax machine itself... no agreements, just a pile of blank paper.
"There's nothing here"
"Stay there, I'm going to send it again"
I wait...
The incoming fax light comes on... I wait with baited breath as the printer fires up... I hear the sheets feeding through... Finally, a page begins to print... No, wait, it's just blank.
"Ahh, Chris, turn the pages over and send it the right way up... You've faxed us 60 pages of blank paper"
So a prospective customer calls yesterday... We know this guy well from when he had an older version of our software. He's the sort of guy that believes that after seeing someone else do one task, once, in a software package thats KINDA the same as ours means that he is a fully trained expert. He's the sort of guy who thinks the best shortcut from getting from the top of the mountain to the bottom isn't to follow one of the roads, but to just drive straight off the edge (he'll do this even if he doesn't want to get to the bottom of the mountain, because hey, he saw someone go to the bottom once, so it's go to be the right thing to do, right?).
The sort of customer we were pretty happy to see HADN'T signed up for our Help Desk Contract.
Then we got the call we'd been dreading... He wanted our service. The other guys were no good. They couldn't help him... He'd ask them a question, they didn't know what he was talking about... The usual complaints about "The Other Guys". He needed our help, he needed it now.
"But you didn't sign a contract" God that felt good.
"Didn't know I needed to, you didn't send me anything" Right, you've complained repeatedly that we make you sign a contract for even the smallest task, but THIS, we don't want a contract for.
"We sent you agreements two weeks back..."
"Yeah, I didn't know what they were for" But hold up, if we didn't send you anything, how can you not of known what they were for?
"Ok, I can't help you until I've recieved a signed contract"
"Send me them now, I'll fax them straight away and you can help me"
"Ok"
Contracts are immediately faxed off.
20 minutes later....
"Can you fix my problem now?"
"Nope, I can't do any work until I have a signed agreement" (Seriously, it feels so good to say that)
"But I sent it!"
"We didn't get it, send it again."
"Ok" Hangs up.
10 Minutes later...
"Can you fix my problem noooooow?" (Customer is starting to sound like a small child)
"You have to send us a signed agreement. The number is xx xxxx xxxx"
"But I did, OK, I'll try that number"
Still, we receive no fax...
20 minutes later...
"You gonna help us now, I'm getting sick of waiting" (Ahh, whining didn't help, time to get agressive!)
"No fax..."
"But I've sent it 20 times!"
"Ok, I'll check the fax machine while you're on the line". I walk over, look in the recieved faxes tray, look in the fax machine itself... no agreements, just a pile of blank paper.
"There's nothing here"
"Stay there, I'm going to send it again"
I wait...
The incoming fax light comes on... I wait with baited breath as the printer fires up... I hear the sheets feeding through... Finally, a page begins to print... No, wait, it's just blank.
"Ahh, Chris, turn the pages over and send it the right way up... You've faxed us 60 pages of blank paper"
Friday, June 8, 2007
So What's An Idiot Wrangler?
So if you've stumbled across this blog (and you surely have stumbled, because who would be searching for an Idiot Wrangler?), then you're probably asking yourself, what the heck is an Idiot Wrangler?
Well, I'm an Idiot Wrangler... It's a term I made up on my little old lonesome, that I felt described my working life in far greater depth then the meaingless title of "Customer Services Manager". I was inspired from watching the credits of far too many movies, where I'd invariable see listed [Insert Exotic Animal Name Here] Wrangler. Spider Wrangler, Snake Wrangler, Monkey Wrangler, even Zombie Wrangler. If all these exotic (and undead) beasties can have wranglers, then surely Idiots deserve one. After all, you let a snake loose, he's bound to slither off into forest and live a happy life. Ditto a spider. A zombie, well no happy life there, they're already dead, but I'm sure that, even without wrangling, they are likely to find some nice tasty brains to munch on.
But no, not Idiots. You let an Idiot loose on the world, and bad things happen. Case in point - a little place called Iraq - Dubya, he needs a good strong Idiot Wrangler, but poor old Dick just doesn't have the ticker for it.
So, I spend my days (and many nights) wrangling Idiots. It's a long and tiring job, but thankfully, the Idiots themselves make it entertaining. Like a cowboy loves his horses, I love my Idiots. They're all unique in their own special way...
Most of the Idiots I wrangle are trying their best to in some way figure out the mystical workings of an unusual device that sits in their office, a box of mystery, an enigma encased in beige... What you and I might call a "PC", but as one of my Idiots once described it, "the box we store our floppy disk in".
Yes poppet, that 3.5" floppy disk is so valuable, it needs a protective aluminium case 300 times it's own size to protect it. The power cable going into it provides the necessary electricity to keep the disk protected in a permanent stasis field, while the fans whirring ensure the optimum storage temperature for magnetic media.
It's my hope that in reading this blog over whatever period I decide to keep it posted, you will get to share some the amazing, real life stories from my life as a Professional Idiot Wrangler.
I hope you enjoy it.
Well, I'm an Idiot Wrangler... It's a term I made up on my little old lonesome, that I felt described my working life in far greater depth then the meaingless title of "Customer Services Manager". I was inspired from watching the credits of far too many movies, where I'd invariable see listed [Insert Exotic Animal Name Here] Wrangler. Spider Wrangler, Snake Wrangler, Monkey Wrangler, even Zombie Wrangler. If all these exotic (and undead) beasties can have wranglers, then surely Idiots deserve one. After all, you let a snake loose, he's bound to slither off into forest and live a happy life. Ditto a spider. A zombie, well no happy life there, they're already dead, but I'm sure that, even without wrangling, they are likely to find some nice tasty brains to munch on.
But no, not Idiots. You let an Idiot loose on the world, and bad things happen. Case in point - a little place called Iraq - Dubya, he needs a good strong Idiot Wrangler, but poor old Dick just doesn't have the ticker for it.
So, I spend my days (and many nights) wrangling Idiots. It's a long and tiring job, but thankfully, the Idiots themselves make it entertaining. Like a cowboy loves his horses, I love my Idiots. They're all unique in their own special way...
Most of the Idiots I wrangle are trying their best to in some way figure out the mystical workings of an unusual device that sits in their office, a box of mystery, an enigma encased in beige... What you and I might call a "PC", but as one of my Idiots once described it, "the box we store our floppy disk in".
Yes poppet, that 3.5" floppy disk is so valuable, it needs a protective aluminium case 300 times it's own size to protect it. The power cable going into it provides the necessary electricity to keep the disk protected in a permanent stasis field, while the fans whirring ensure the optimum storage temperature for magnetic media.
It's my hope that in reading this blog over whatever period I decide to keep it posted, you will get to share some the amazing, real life stories from my life as a Professional Idiot Wrangler.
I hope you enjoy it.
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