Sorry, We Didn't Get Your Fax

A little background... Our Help Desk Service competes with one other Help Desk to get a niche group of customers... They're cheaper, we have better service... We wrote the software everyone's supporting, they're cheaper... We actually know about the tasks the software is designed to handle... they're cheaper. You get the idea.

So a prospective customer calls yesterday... We know this guy well from when he had an older version of our software. He's the sort of guy that believes that after seeing someone else do one task, once, in a software package thats KINDA the same as ours means that he is a fully trained expert. He's the sort of guy who thinks the best shortcut from getting from the top of the mountain to the bottom isn't to follow one of the roads, but to just drive straight off the edge (he'll do this even if he doesn't want to get to the bottom of the mountain, because hey, he saw someone go to the bottom once, so it's go to be the right thing to do, right?).

The sort of customer we were pretty happy to see HADN'T signed up for our Help Desk Contract.

Then we got the call we'd been dreading... He wanted our service. The other guys were no good. They couldn't help him... He'd ask them a question, they didn't know what he was talking about... The usual complaints about "The Other Guys". He needed our help, he needed it now.

"But you didn't sign a contract" God that felt good.

"Didn't know I needed to, you didn't send me anything" Right, you've complained repeatedly that we make you sign a contract for even the smallest task, but THIS, we don't want a contract for.

"We sent you agreements two weeks back..."

"Yeah, I didn't know what they were for" But hold up, if we didn't send you anything, how can you not of known what they were for?

"Ok, I can't help you until I've recieved a signed contract"

"Send me them now, I'll fax them straight away and you can help me"

"Ok"

Contracts are immediately faxed off.

20 minutes later....

"Can you fix my problem now?"

"Nope, I can't do any work until I have a signed agreement" (Seriously, it feels so good to say that)

"But I sent it!"

"We didn't get it, send it again."

"Ok" Hangs up.

10 Minutes later...

"Can you fix my problem noooooow?" (Customer is starting to sound like a small child)

"You have to send us a signed agreement. The number is xx xxxx xxxx"

"But I did, OK, I'll try that number"

Still, we receive no fax...

20 minutes later...

"You gonna help us now, I'm getting sick of waiting" (Ahh, whining didn't help, time to get agressive!)

"No fax..."

"But I've sent it 20 times!"

"Ok, I'll check the fax machine while you're on the line". I walk over, look in the recieved faxes tray, look in the fax machine itself... no agreements, just a pile of blank paper.

"There's nothing here"

"Stay there, I'm going to send it again"

I wait...

The incoming fax light comes on... I wait with baited breath as the printer fires up... I hear the sheets feeding through... Finally, a page begins to print... No, wait, it's just blank.

"Ahh, Chris, turn the pages over and send it the right way up... You've faxed us 60 pages of blank paper"